I caught a glimpse of myself in one of those big mirrors that hotels hang in public spaces ... usually above enormous tables that have huge flower arrangements on them. And I was surprised. Wasn't sure who that "normal" looking girl was. After 70 pounds, I don't really look like the me in my mind's eye.
You see, I don't have a full-length mirror in my own house and the only way I can get a look at the "whole" me is to climb on the toilet in the guest bath, which is neither smart (clumsy as I am) or good (in that my head gets cut off in the mirror anyway). Or, I can step outside my front door and look at my only-slightly-distorted reflection in the sidelight window. Why no full-length mirror in the house? Same reason there never was a scale. Who wants to know how bad it is? Who wants confirmation of what is readily apparent? Who wants to feel that much worse about it? Not me. Not the old me, anyway.
People have been very kind to me in the past 8 months of my journey. They tell me I look great, which is powerful encouragement. Some ask how I'm doing it. I'm hesitant to tell them too much. Nothing I hate more than an evangelizer. And, honestly, sometimes the attention is uncomfortable. No matter how kindly someone intends it, saying you look great now is also saying you looked like hell before. And after years of hoping no one would notice you at all, having someone notice that your ass is smaller is weird.
So I'm going to write stuff here instead and if someone WANTs to check in, they can.
The one thing I hope you take away from it is this: If I can do this, ANYONE can do this. It's not rocket science. It's not starvation. It's not torture. It's about being kind to yourself and treating yourself like you matter. My biggest regret is that I didn't start 10 years before, because I'm pissed off about the time I wasted feeling like crap about myself. WASTED time.
And if this helps you, I'm thrilled. (Also happy to evangelize if you need that! Call me.)
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