Drive By

Drove by a Burger King today and caught a whiff of those flame-broiled bodacious burgers.

Thoughts of Whoppers (with cheese, no tomatoes, thank you very much) pummeled my brain and my stomach did one of those insti-gurgles. It was all I could do to hold the steering wheel steady and keep the car in a forward motion.

But I did.

Some days, something as simple as driving by the drive-thru is a victory.

Summer Salads

I love trying to figure out how to recreate food I eat elsewhere. These are two salads we had at a work lunch last week and while I'm sure they're not exact duplications, they're close enough and good.

I'm going to lead with the Garbanzo Bean one. I'm currently addicted to garbanzo beans in all forms. Most especially hummus and this salad. Jim can't stand them ... so I get to eat ALL of whatever I make with them. Bonus! (And, to my chagrin, I learned that of the three beans I eat most ... black, pinto and garbanzo ... garbanzos have the most calories, most fat and lowest fiber per serving. Figures.)

Greeky Garbanzos
2 cans garbanzo beans, drained and rinsed
1/2 to 1 cucumber, cubed
1/2 to 1 container grape tomatoes
1/2 red onion, sliced/diced into pieces about the same size as the beans

1T vinegar (I used balsamic, but you can use whatever you have ... unless you have a more refined palette than I do. In that case, use the balsamic.)
3T olive oil
1/2 to 1t chopped garlic
1/2 to 1t Mediterranean "no salt" seasoning
Squirt of honey
Few sprigs worth of fresh thyme, leaves only
Salt and pepper to taste

Mix the dressing first. Just keep tasting it and adding whatever you like until it balances out. If you have the 3:1 oil to vinegar ratio right, the rest is really a personal preference. Balance the sweet/salt/spice. If you don't want to go through all this, buy a jar of reduced fat Greek or Balsamic Vinaigrette dressing. Italian would work, too, if you like that better.

If you like more veg than garbanzos, use one can of beans only. Make it the night ahead and let flavors mix/settle. I'm seriously eating this for breakfast right now.


Tomato/Asparagus/Mushroom Salad
1 lb. bunch of asparagus, roasted (oven or grill with olive oil, salt, pepper) and cut into 1" pieces
1 8 oz. container sliced Baby Bella mushrooms (saute them in a little olive oil to take off the "raw")
1 red pepper, chopped
1 container grape tomatoes, halving the big ones
1/2 red onion, diced

3T extra virgin olive oil
1T vinegar (I used rice wine, but balsamic would be good, too)
Squirt Dijon mustard
1/2 t dry oregano (fresh would be better, but I didn't have it)
1/2 t dry basil (fresh would be better, but I didn't have it)
Couple of sprigs worth of fresh tarragon, finely chopped
1/2 t chopped garlic
Salt and pepper
Pinch of Splenda

Mix the dressing, pour over the chopped veg and let it sit overnight. But again, if you have a vinaigrette type dressing you LOVE, just pour it over the veg and call it a day.

Run Chi

Did you know there are "techniques" for running?

Me neither.

I assumed that running required you to slap on a pair of tennis shoes, stretch a little, and ... well ... start running.

But there's this thing called "Chi Running" and I've heard about it twice in two days and now I'm intrigued.

If I'm understanding it right, running "chi" means using some principles from Tai Chi, whatever that means. Something about having your body in balance, I think.

What it means in practice is running in the way that puts as little stress on your knees and hips as possible, like this:

Stand and lean forward, from your ankles, not your waist and "fall" forward. As you fall forward, move your feet, but instead of allowing your heel to strike first on the pavement, concentrate on landing on the part of your foot you'd land on if you were jump roping. Keep your steps very even ... as if you're matching a metronome. And never let your arms cross sideways, across the midline of your body.

The idea is that a run is a "controlled fall" and takes advantage of the forward momentum that "falling" provides. If you want to speed up, you lean into it and "fall" more. This is sort of the opposite of a heel-strike run where the back foot propels you forward as the front foot/heel "stops" your forward momentum with each stride as your heel punctuates the pavement with a driving, reverberating strike. 

I tried this in my basement today and it didn't go so well. Felt really uncomfortable and sort of silly. I'm not sure I'm doing it right, either.

But there are dozens of You Tube links and the Wiki info isn't bad either if you want to learn more.

I have friend at work who runs this way, following an injury and round of physical therapy. She says it helps her. Have another friend who is taking a running class, to train for a 5K, and they teach some of these same principles there. It seems you also can apply some of the same ideas for walking.

It feels really strange to try and change the way you run or walk or move. But it might be an idea worth investigating. Old dogs can learn new tricks.

And occasionally bark up the right tree. Aye-Chi-Wow-A. (Chihuahua, get it? Dog, chi ... nevermind.)

Alert: RF Skippy in Brodhead!!!

I got a hot tip last week that there was Reduced Fat Skippy at the Brodhead Piggly Wiggly. I couldn't get there until today and when I arrived, I found ...

TWO JARS! One creamy, one chunky! Hallelujah and praise be!

I bought them both, so don't bother going.

It's gonna be a good day, Tater!

Farmer's Market Pesto Pizza

OMG. This is SO good. Grabbed some yummy stuff at the Beloit Farmer's Market this morning and then had to figure out what to do with it. Per usual, I didn't really measure anything ... so you'll have to improvise a little. (Remember, it's cooking, not rocket science. If it tastes good, you did it right.)

P.S. Meat-Lover Jim said I could make this vegetarian meal, "Any time!"

Farmer's Market Pesto Pizza
3 whole wheat pita rounds
Feta pesto (see "recipe" below)
2 big portabello mushrooms caps, ribs scraped out
4 small leeks, between nickel and quarter diameter
3 giant handfulls of fresh spinach, rinsed and dried
Chopped garlic
Olive oil
Mozzarella and Parmesan

Prep veg. Chop up mushroom caps. Slice leaks lengthwise and then slice white and light green parts into half moons. Rinse well in big bowl of water, letting sand settle to bottom. Fish them off the top and let them dry on a clean dish towel. Wash the spinach in the same way, taking off any big stems. (Or, just buy the already cleaned spinach in the produce aisle. Or buy the box, heat and squeeze out the extra juice.)

In a skillet, saute the mushrooms in olive oil until brown. Remove from pan. Give the pan another shot of olive oil and toss in the leeks and let them go until soft. Add chopped garlic (I probably used 1-2 tsp from the jar, but go less if you're not so crazy about garlic). Add spinach and toss mushrooms back in as spinach wilts. Salt and pepper to taste, but go lightly on the salt, as the pesto you'll be using is salty.

Put a whole wheat pita on a cookie sheet. Spread with pesto. Pile veg mixture on top of that. Sprinkle with a little mozzarella and parm. Bake in oven at 375 until cheese is bubbly and edges of pita are starting to brown. (If you want a crispier crust, toss the pita in the oven for a few minutes before you add the pesto.)

Feta Pesto
OK, I bought mine from Bushel & Peck's stand at the Farmer's Market. But the ingredients are this: feta, walnuts, basil, garlic, olive oil. It's white, not green. And it's soooooo goooooood. If you're adventurous, get out your food processor and give it a shot. If you're not, even regular pesto would be good for this.  I will try to recreate it someday and update this post then.

I'm going to smell like an Italian you-know-whathouse tomorrow as I sweat all this garlic out. But it will be worth it.

Bikini Challenge!

Heard from one of our blog friends this week that she ventured into Bikini-ville this week. Hesitatingly, perhaps, but she's there now.

And I hope it feels GREAT!

Anyone else flirting with the idea? Getting close? Setting a goal to get there? Remember, it doesn't have to look perfect. None of us (or very few anyway) are Ford or Elite material. However, we can look damn good.

We're here, cheering you on. Dip a toe in!

Extreme 5K

You may have heard that I'm on a team that's running in the Dirty Girl race in Johnson Creek in August. This 5K is a little different than some in that it's really a 5K obstacle course in the mud.

Crawling under things, climbing over things, all in an enormous mud puddle.

And I can't wait.

But as strange as that seems, I have been completely outdone by a co-worker.

He's running in an odd 5K, too. Mud, yes. Obstacles, yes.

But his also involves live electricity. As in he has to run through a curtain of electrified wires. Some with really low voltage and a few with a bigger kick.

Hmmm. There had better be beer at the end.

And a lot of it.

Unexpected Benefit of Being Thinner #17

Your shirts don't slide off the hangers so easily because the neck holes are smaller.

My Friend in the Rain

Remember my friend who walks along the side of the road smoking a cigarette wearing a Packers jacket?

See post "Dedication" from December 2010 and post "My Friend is a Packer Fan" from February 2011

http://carsickcaravan.blogspot.com/2010/12/dedication.html
http://carsickcaravan.blogspot.com/2011/02/my-friend-is-packer-fan.html

Well, today he got me again.

As I'm driving along in the rainy, cold, miserable morning, I see a big, green lump on the side of the road. Lawnmower with a cover over it? Grill with a cover? Back end of a pick-up truck? It's kind of big and square, but I can't exactly tell what it is. As I get closer, it's still hard to tell in the gray morning darkness.

Then I notice it's moving in the wind. Then I notice it's coming toward me. 

Then I notice it's my friend. He's wearing a billowing green tarp with a hole cut in the middle for his head to stick out.

But he's still walking. Even in the rain. See previous post.

(And he's shaved his winter beard off.)

Words to Live By

Had a friend share this little ditty with me last week. I like it. Now I can't get it out of my head.

Your efforts must exceed your excuses.

Nice, huh?

Golf Now vs. Golf Then

1. Prefer to walk the course vs. riding in a cart.
2. Choose to walk up and down the rolling hills between holes vs. looking for the flattest path between.
3. Easy to bend over to pick the ball up from the cup vs. holding my breath and all but blacking out, all while hoping I don't tip over on the way down.

Golf isn't the world's most strenuous exercise, but it's a GREAT walk on a nice day. It keeps you moving, gets you some fresh air and sunshine and allows you to activate some muscles you don't use every day. Spring Creek Par 3 between Fort Atkinson and Whitewater is easy enough for those that don't really golf and hard enough for those that do. Plus, the hospitality is outstanding. Make a tee time and go!

Counterattack

Why is it that when I eat badly, I think that piling some healthy things on top of it will cancel it out?

Sunday I ate "two with" from Pete's Hamburgers in Prairie du Chien for lunch. That's two hamburgers with onions for the uninitiated, from the BEST hamburger stand in all the world. And then I ate a bag of cheese and caramel popcorn as big as my head on the way home.

It was dinnertime when we returned to Casa Sympson and I told Jim I wasn't making dinner ... that we'd eaten more than enough for the day. And then I proceeded to polish off some carrots and dip, followed by grapes.

As if ending the day with something healthy makes everything I ate beforehand somehow OK.

Logical, right?

I Get It

(I hesitate to write this because I think some of you are going to read it the wrong way. So before you do, know that I am FINE and aware and checking myself and Jim's in on the whole thing.)

I get how people become anorexic.

I used to not get it. I used to wonder how someone that weighs 70 pounds can look in mirror and talk about how fat they are. I used to think people that only ate four carrots a day and/or worked out for five and a half hours a night could possibly think that was normal.

But I think I sort of get it now.

(And I'm reiterating here ... I'm not even REMOTELY anorexic. Or bulimic or anything similar.)

 I caught myself on my treadmill one night this last week, getting an extra three miles in because I'd eaten a piece of cake ... three days in a row.

Then today, I was trying on some capris, a size 4 and a size 6, and as I pulled them on, I found myself obsessing over the "flab" in my mid-section.

And more than a handful of times in the past month, people have asked me if I'm still losing or if I'm done because I'm "just disappearing." Some of them seem to be genuinely concerned.

(Now, let me be very clear. I have lost only four pounds since mid-March. I've been down a couple, up a couple since declaring my war on the last 10 pounds and have no desire to go lower than that. I am comfortably in the high range of "normal" BMI. I eat. I LOVE to eat. I eat three solid meals of healthy food and snack on some not so healthy stuff more than I want to admit.)

I'm not disappearing, nor am I gaunt, nor too thin. I am healthy, sturdy and carrying more weight than a good, old-fashioned height/weigh chart says I should. (Do you remember that? For the "average" woman, you get 100 pounds if you're 5-foot tall, and then 5 pounds for every inch after that. I'm not close to THAT.)

But I see how it happens. It's empowering to be in control. It's addicting to buy smaller and smaller clothes. It's fantastic to have people tell you how great you look at the time. It's hard to not focus on the areas that still aren't perfectly flat or tight or 8-year-old-boy/magazine-cover-model-like. And it's hard to REALLY see what you look like when your perception of yourself is so screwed up and has been for so long.

When I look at me, I think I'm far from what "thin"  looks like. From what I can tell, I look like a 43-year-old woman with some extra stuff on my hips and thighs ... and there's plenty of squish everywhere. I can pinch an inch in several places ... including under my chin.

Let's just say, I don't feel or believe I look tiny. I'm not tiny. I know what size I'm buying and I just can't quite understand how it can be.

This is how messed up my perception is. While on vaca, I bought shorts that were the same size/make/model as a friend. To me, she looks thin and yet, I don't think my body shape or size is remotely the same as hers. So when I stand next to her, I see me as much bigger, though I know that can't be totally accurate.

True to form, I ate badly this weekend, in spite of my declarations of change earlier this week. Last night, after a fantastic dinner on the screen porch of sumptuous steak sandwiches with provolone/mushrooms/onions, sweet corn, asparagus and Jim's birthday cake, I was miserable.

I couldn't believe I ate what I did. My stomach was stretched to its limit and feeling woogy for processing the delicious pile of red meat I consumed and am no longer accustomed to. By bedtime, I was physically uncomfortable and wishing I could just get rid of the food in my gut. Doing so would make me feel better AND perhaps eliminate some of the calories before they could hit the scale.

Of course, I didn't do anything to make that happen. I ate what I ate and I will do the work I need to get back on track. But the thought crossed my mind ... how much easier that would be than behaving better for the next few days in both diet and exercise.

I am sure this is part of the process. I am learning what my new boundaries are and how to live within them. Perhaps I'm at my sustainable and "right" weight ... maybe those last 6 pounds I'm struggling with aren't as attainable or important as I think.

I just don't know right now.

I believe my head is in the right place to handle this. I even think that someday I will learn to see this new body and understand it. In other words, I'm not worried.

But I sort of feel like I've peeked in on what an eating disorder is like or could be like. And I feel badly for those who suffer. Those who can't see, can't understand and can't believe there's a problem. It must be really awful to have your own brain and your own body be the enemy.

If you're flirting with any of these things, PLEASE talk to someone. Check yourself. Be healthy first.

Yet More of My Favorite Things

1. Salted in the shell peanuts
2. Kohl's Bonus Bucks or whatever they're called
3. Havaianas flip flops
4. Roasted red pepper hummus with LOTS of lemon
5. Kenra hairspray
6. Levi capris
7. Ice cream for lunch every once in a while

Unexpected Benefit of Being Thinner #16

Seeing people you haven't seen in a long time and watching them puzzle.

Jim ran into a guy he used to work with in WalMart this morning and it was hilarious.

"Jim! You're ... ah ... ummmmm ... skinny."

Righty Tighty, Lefty Loosey?

I find this ironic.

When I was bigger, I hated my clothes to fit too tightly. I hated feeling constricted. If something was too tight in any way, I felt like I was suffocating inside my own skin. I couldn't wait to get home from work and get out of the restrictive clothes and into sloppy sweats.

Now, I hate it when things feel baggy and loose. I don't want them tight, exactly, but I want to feel them on my skin. It makes me feel lean to know they're there. My sweats of choice are now body-hugging leggings.

And it's got NOTHING to do with how they look. It's all about how they feel.

I had a pair of pants on today that I bought in February before Mexico. They're too big. And they look too big. But I could live with that. I can't, however, stand how they feel ... especially on the backs of my thighs.

More shopping required ... which isn't all bad, I guess.

I've Got a Secret!

Shhhh. Don't tell anyone.

Promise you won't spill the beans? Swear?

OK ... I ran today.

It was only for a quarter-mile and it was at a very slow run pace. But I just couldn't take it anymore. I had to do it.

(You know how goofy those speed walkers look? That's me. My arms pump and my hips fire back and forth and every fiber in my body screams, "Just run already! It would be a much easier and more natural motion! And, you just can't increase your walking speed anymore without hurting yourself as your limbs fly all over Or you're going to trip on your own feet any minute now. Or you'll fall off the back of the damn treadmill!")

It felt SOOOOOOOOO good! My knee didn't hurt. My thighs loved it. I felt light and sleek and smooth. And I felt like I could do it forever.

And then I got scared and quit.

I'm not supposed to run. The sports doc said if I want to delay surgery for as long as possible, I am supposed to walk. But that seems so stupid when my knee feels pretty good. Surely a little running here and there can't hurt. My friends who have had total knee blowouts or completely torn ligaments or any variety of meniscus issues started off worse than me, or have had surgery, and they run now.

So why can't I?

Did she mean never run, no matter how good my knee feels? How different is what I'm doing and running anyway? Should I call her and talk through it again? Is that just what all doctors say? Or, was I too heavy then to run and now it would be OK? What's the worst that can happen ... I tear it all the way through, have surgery and then I CAN run?

I'm trying to plot those answers out in my head as I'm scooting as fast as I can,  back and forth across the fourth floor in heels at work today, when I feel those old pangs in my knee. I'm sure they're all in my head, mind you, but that's enough to make me reconsider.

Maybe.

I can't tell you how much I want to run. How weird is that?

Strawberry Cheesecake-ish

Good for summer!

Individual Strawberry Cheesecake-ish-es
1 small package Jello Sugar Free Pudding, Cheesecake flavor
Skim milk
Tub o' fat free Cool Whip
Box of Reduced Fat Nilla Wafers
Strawberries

Make pudding according to package directions, going a bit shy on the milk so it's good and stiff. Let it set fully. Mix in some Cool Whip. Line a muffin tin with cupcake papers and drop a Nilla wafer in the bottom of each. Plop some of the pudding mixture on each. Top with strawberry (or strawberry slices), refrigerate and serve. Easy to control portions this way!

Variations: Before you add the strawberry, cover with plastic wrap and freeze. You can add another Nilla wafer as a topper and have a little ice cream sandwich-like concoction. Or, crush the Nilla wafers in big chunks and layer in trifle dish ... wafers, pudding, diced or sliced strawberries, repeat. Or, dice strawberries, crush wafers, mix it all up and serve in martini glasses ... OH! You could use the crushed Nilla wafer as the sugar on the glass! Or, substitute the Nilla wafer with Angel Food cake in the trifle dish. Or, change pudding flavors and knock yourself slap out!

And, the RF Nilla Wafers are something like 120 calories per serving and a serving is something like 8 cookies. That's a lot of yummy for not so much guilt. You get crunch and sweet and many pieces. My kind of gig.

Identifying Patterns

I've been doing a bunch of thinking about those last 10 pounds and why I can't get over the hump. In looking back for something in an old post, I found my update from April 23rd and an even earlier one that declared my initial assault on those same pounds. I was shocked that it has been so long with so little movement on the scale.

Sure, my life has been sort of "abnormal" in that time ... the stress of my dad's death, a high-pressure time at work, a mini vacation. They all make for dangerous navigation of the eat well/exercise path.

But they're no excuse.

So I got thinking about what is really going on. What am I doing differently? What habits have I picked up or dropped to create a new pattern that's not really serving me very well.

And here's what I came up with:

1. Weekends are sort of a free-for-all. I'm eating out on Friday nights, sometimes Saturday nights and a lunch or breakfast, too. Now they're not always terrible ... baked fish, Subway, etc., but I know I just eat more when I'm out. The baked fish might be all right if I didn't eat the French fries or the bread. I could skip the potato chips with the sub. You get the idea.
2. I'm eating too many carbs for me. I am freaking addicted to those hard sourdough pretzels. I eat one. Then go back for another. Then another. I simply have to quit buying them.
3. I'm sneaking too much chocolate at work. A couple of Tootsie Roll Midgets is OK every once in a while, but I'm eating them every day, with a piece of Dove to boot. Since I've been helping to fill the chocolate bowl, I know how to cure this one, too.
4. I'm eating too much at dinner and in the evening. I finish my meal and then keep grazing. In my head I justify it because it's usually "good" food: pretzels, grapes, fruit, cheese, crackers, pickles. But too much is too much.

So now it's time to break a few of those new habits. I resisted the candy bowl today as Step 1. And I'm done eating for the night as Step 2.

Hoping Step 1 plus Step 2 can equal 6 more pounds in a couple of weeks.

Updates 5.16.11

Well, the trip to the finish line of our last 10 pounds is proving more difficult than anticipated. The truth is we've both gotten lazy on the eating (as evidenced by my past few posts).

Jim has 8 to go. I have 6.

Here's where my activity level stands as of today. :
Cardio: Walking a minimum of 4 miles at least 5 days a week. On the remaining two days, I try to walk 5 and 6 miles respectively. Maybe once every two weeks, I'll skip a day and just do weight training. I'm at a 4.0 incline. I start at 3.5 and make my way to 4.3 in a quarter mile warm-up. Then I do a half mile at. 4.3, 4.6, 4.8, 5.0 and 5.2. Then I do a breathless quarter-mile at 5.4, followed by quarter miles at 5.2, 5.0 and a half-mile at 4.8. That puts me at 4.0 miles and I wrap it up with a quarter-mile cool down. I shake this pattern up frequently, though, to keep my brain and muscles guessing.

Strength: 2- or 3-lb. handweights doing an assortment of triceps/biceps/shoulder lifts until "failure" ... usually about 50 reps, twice a week.

Wildcard: Once a week, I try to throw in something different. Can be as lame as getting the garbage cans in and carrying them vs. rolling them back up our quarter-mile drive or simply helping Jim carry drywall to the basement. Or it can be sit-ups or leg lifts or Wii or whatever.

Jim mows the lawn, finishes the basement, builds chicken coops and doesn't sit still.

Suck It Up

My apologies for the post last night.

I got caught in my own head and let it come out my fingers.

Here's what I hope you were thinking when you read it:

Suck it up, Buttercup. So you had one bad day. Do you not remember what you wrote last week about how "you gotta want it" and you just have to put your mind to it and do it? What about all those posts about making bad choices and then getting back on the horse the next day?

Practice what you preach, dawg.

Then, PUT A SOCK IN IT because we're tired of you whining about a "bad day" when a bad day includes too many pretzels and too many grapes.

And you'd be right to say all of those things.

Sometimes I think I am being helpful by sharing the ways I struggle, lest someone think that since I'm at the "end" of my weight loss adventure that it's all of a sudden easier. And then sometimes I think I should be a better example by only being a cheerleader and encouraging, not dwelling on me and my failures. 

Truth is I'm just me, good and bad ... and taking my own advice today by shutting up, eating right and getting over it already.

Feeding Frenzy

I ate like a banshee today.

I'm disgusted. Pissed off. And ready to cry.

Why do I sabotage myself this way?

After a charity luncheon yesterday that involved multiple courses, one of which was cake, and a much-too-late dinner that included homemade potato chips and bread, I assumed the scale would be up today.

But, lo and behold, it was down a full pound from yesterday.

So I "rewarded" myself with cereal for breakfast. And a few animal crackers. And some yogurt covered pretzels (190 calories for 6 mini pretzels ... really). And a handful of walnuts. And some regular pretzels. And cup or two of grapes. All that on top of a Subway salad for lunch and a Pizza Hut salad for dinner. Oh ...and did I mention two pieces of personal pan pizza and two breadsticks?

And two Starbursts just for kicks.

How gross is that? It's enough carbs for a week.

I should have been thinking that if I behaved well today, I might go below the number I've been stuck at for weeks tomorrow.

But once I start eating, I just can't stop. It's like I turn into this eating zombie that MUST ... HAVE ... MORE ... FOOD. I literally can't get off the train and just keep shoving it in. 

And it's why, when I was really buckled down working my program and losing weight in the beginning of this whole thing, I chose to sort of militantly eat X and only X.

I had to do it that way. Because if I "cheat" a little, I simply can't stop. All of a sudden it's a feeding frenzy.

And then I have to wonder if I've learned anything on this damn journey at all.

The good news is my body reacts better to it now. It will punish me for a couple of days as it did in Arizona, but it generally forgives the occasional blowout. As long as I keep up the exercise, I have some leeway.

But at some point, I'm going to get tired of the rather relentless routine of 4+ miles a day. At some point, I will simply not be able to devote the hour a day for whatever reason. And I'll have to rely on what I know to be good eating habits to keep me in this new body.

I worry that I won't be able to do it. I worry that the occasional blowout will change from once a week or once every 10 days to more frequently.

Maybe instead of surgery to get all that extra skin removed, I should opt for some sort of lobotomy to turn off the Face Stuffing Gene.

I Ate the Fork

I ran out at noon yesterday for an errand and didn't have much time to cram some lunch in my gut before a 1 p.m. meeting. So, in an effort to eat well (and avoid the whole drive thru scenario), I popped into the little cafe/breakroom on the 4th floor before I went back to my desk.

Normally, I grab a raw veg cup with some dip and two hard-boiled eggs. But the veg cups were sold out by the time I got there. In a bold and out-of-the-box move, I snagged a "Garden Salad" instead ... a cup or two of iceberg with a couple of slices of cucumber and a tomato wedge. And I added a skim milk.

(WHAT ... an exciting life I lead! Wild woman, eh?)

I've only got about 10 minutes to wolf this stuff down.

As I'm shoving the lettuce into my pie hole, I hear a funny cracking noise. Still chewing, I pull the plastic fork out of my mouth. Sure enough, one of the tines has a tip missing.

I consider spitting out the mouthful of lettuce.  But 1) I paid for that lettuce, 2) I want "all" the lettuce I bought ... there isn't that much to start with and 3) I don't have time to get too fussy. I take a couple of exploratory chews, trying to find the hard plastic piece.

Can't feel it.

So I finish chewing and swallow.

Pathetic, isn't it? I love/need/want that lettuce so much, I'm willing to ingest a little petroleum-based plastic fork to get it.

P.S. Blogger.com was down yesterday. Which means I couldn't post. Sorry!

You Gotta Want It

That's it. That's the simple truth.

You have to want to be healthy MORE than you want potato chips.

You have to want to be healthy MORE than you want to sit on the couch.

You have to want to be healthy MORE than you want to lie to yourself and make excuses.

If you really feel like crap because you think you look like crap, you have a choice to make. You can choose to eat all the potato chips you want, to sit on the couch every night, and to convince yourself that the obstacles in your way are too big to overcome or that your sore whatever prevents you from doing anything.

Or you can make a change.

Start small. Change one little thing. And stick to it.

If you really want it, you can do it. YOU CAN.

Unexpected Benefit of Being Thinner #15

I bought a pair of "Junior" shorts this weekend. Who'da thunk it?

Unexpected Downside of Being Thinner #10

Without so much padding on my saddlebags, the trip down Slide Rock (Sedona's ... and God's ... answer to man-made waterslides) has left me beaten and bruised.

And, seriously, if you get a chance, visit Sedona, AZ. It would be an amazing place to camp. And Slide Rock State Park is a fantastic adventure for the brave of heart.

http://www.sedonacentralreservations.com/slide-rock-state-park.aspx

Vacation Variances Numero Dos

Well, there was an additional difference between my long weekend vacation and the Mexican adventure.

The long weekend version brought me five new pounds!

Holy crap. I thought I was seeing things this morning. I stood on the scale, rubbed my eyes, jumped off the scale, jumped back on again and ...

Boom. Still five extra pounds.

I'm not entirely surprised. Disappointed as all hell and hoping tomorrow the scale will "adjust" down a couple. But not entirely surprised.

So, here's what I did wrong.

1. I didn't exercise nearly enough. Yes, we took a walk one day and yes, we went on a hike. Neither were long enough or fast enough. In other words, I didn't come close to sweating. Like I said before, they were a whole lot more fun than my normal treadmill version. What I'll do differently next time? Take a couple solo laps before or after the group activity. Swim some laps in the pool. Use the handweights I took along more than one day. Don't skip a day (like I did Sunday).

2. I ate a bit too freely. Too many chips. Suggested pizza and salad night and then ate only pizza. I ate too LATE! And munched the whole way home ... pretzels and chocolate on the plane, pumpkin seeds and an apple in the car. French fries twice. See. Sometimes you get what you deserve.

3. I didn't pack good snacks.

4. I didn't stick to my guns.

5. And I didn't work out this morning because I was too tired after getting in just past midnight ... bad way to start the week.

But it's back on the horse today. Giddy up.

Vacation Variances

This little weekend getaway is different in many ways from the week in Mexico in February. Obviously duration ... but there are other differences, too and I'm anxious to see what they mean on my scale when I get home.

1. I thought a lot about the eating for the week in Mexico ... knowing there would be endless buffet food and all that. We also made sure to eat dinner early and stay on a fairly regular schedule, not eating too late. This trip brought "normal" food issues ... and bags of chips for salsa! I was lucky that my darling hostess kept "healthy" in mind and recommended places that would accommodate me. I'm probably most worried about the late-night eating you tend to do on vacation when your days are full of fun.

2. In Mexico, I had access to a fitness center with a treadmill ...which allowed me to maintain my baseline exercise. And we also piled on lots of additional activity in the form of excursions. Those two things helped me not gain a single pound in a week in spite of all the eating and drinking. For this trip, I packed workout clothes and some handweights and asked my girlfriends to support me with a walk or some kind of activity each day. We got a walk in the first day, a hike in yesterday and it was nice to be outside. I'm not sure they were "far enough" or "fast enough" ... though the switch-up in venue (outside in the uneven terrain and gorgeous sunlight) may compensate. I do know they were much more entertaining than my solo treadmill constitutionals!

In the end, it doesn't matter. I will know what my scale says tomorrow morning and know what I have to do on Monday to make it right. I have thoroughly enjoyed my time with some of the people I love most in the world ... and that's what's really important. There's a real sense of empowerment and deep satisfaction that comes with knowing I can control whatever "the number" is, while living life in a fairly normal way.

Learning to be the new me will take time.

Making It Easier

We've tested out two new restaurants here the Phoenix area (or "the Valley" as the locals say) and I'm wishing they could put franchises in Wisconsin. Or, that Wisconsin entrprenuers could create something similar.

Here's why I like them: They make it easy to eat better.

Pita Jungle and Jason's Deli had some nice benefits for people trying to make good choices.

Pita Jungle had many vegetarian options, let the customer make choices without hassles (I want this with out tomatoes or sauce or whatever). Now, the portions were enormous, but that's a variable I can control.

Jason's Deli had standard deli fare, a 30-foot-long salad bar and a "light" portion of the menu that included a decent number of sandwich options and calorie and fat counts for them.

Why can't all places do these simple things?  

Everything's Better with Friends

In Arizona. Woke up early for a nice walk before it got too hot. Spent the better part of the morning by the pool and the afternoon shopping.

Even took some time this morning to talk about where we're seeing success. What we're struggling with. Offering advice, support. And some good giggles.

Now we're going to tackle a relatively healthy dinner on the grill.

Everything IS better with friends. Let them share in your experience ... they'll make it easier.

GUEST BLOGGER! What I Know for Sure

Our friend HR Girl is filling the desk today while I'm on a mini vaca. How cool is that?

(And sorry for the late posting. But the site of my mini vaca includes a teenager with a final project due for school. Said teenager was up all night completing final project. And, as you know, life comes before my blog obsession!)
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As a nod to our girl Oprah, here is what “I Know For Sure…..”

1. Eating good, nutritious food always makes me feel better.

2. When you first realize that you have 5 or 10 pounds to lose and it affects you, do something about it right then and there. Ignore your friends and family that say you look great. You know your body, you do.

3. When I work out in the morning, I am consistent and consistency is the key to long term habits and changes ... find your own way to be consistent and do it for you.

4. Black is slimming to a point, but if you are fat and out of shape no color will change that. Really.

5. Exercise – I love it though I hate it. Before I was overweight, I definitely needed to work out for my sanity. It was part of what I did for myself, part of clearing my head, being organized; it was part of feeling like I was in control of my life.

6. Exercise #2 – Prior to being overweight, exercise was actually something I looked forward to and always found time in my day – always! Now, it feels like just another task on an already full “to do list.” I need to change my thinking and figure out a way to love it again.

7. At some point in my 30’s I decided that I wasn’t a priority, my health and well-being shouldn’t be at the top of the list. Reading what I just wrote seems ridiculous in print. What could be more important?

8. I need to find my way and get myself back on track so I can get back to living my life without limits.

9. I know that I am a “all or nothing” type of person when it comes to exercise and eating right and according to my sister I can be that way with other things (we can always count on our sisters to give it to us straight, can’t we). It really is okay to not be perfect one day, one meal, or one workout sessions and then get right back to it. Failure/mistakes are fine, quitting or maybe better stated “giving up on you” isn’t an option.

10. Miss Daisy has been an inspiration for so many of us and she has told us many time if she can do this (eating right and exercising) we can all do it….so let’s say we all prove her right!!!! ( I will let you in on a secret – she likes to be right!)

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And to ALL that, Miss Daisy says, "Amen, Sistah." And she says, "Thank you for this awesome post."

Some Days, You Can't Win ... But You Can Outlast

OK.

Over the past weekend, between Saturday morning and Monday at 7 a.m., I walked approximately 19 miles. That's 19 freaking miles. And I'm not counting the incidental going to the mall, getting the mail, everyday living. It was actual time spent on the treadmill or on a trail.

So you'd think that the scale would have been in good shape Monday morning, right? Wrong.

I had "gained" two pounds since Saturday's daybreak weigh-in.

REALLY?

What does a girl have to do to lose a pound? What does a girl have to do to at least stay even? It can be so dang frustrating sometimes, can't it?

 The truth is, I didn't eat that great. I used that extra exercise as an excuse to sneak a bite here and a bite there. And doing so messed with mathematical equation of calories in and calories burned. I know I haven't really "gained" two pounds. But my body is trying to figure out what the hell all that activity, both exercise and eating, was.

I hopped back on the horse Monday. Veg for lunch. Salad for dinner. (And a few midget Tootsie Rolls in between.) Tuesday brought more veg for lunch, some popcorn, and then grilled tuna steaks and steamed broccoli for dinner.

This morning I was back down those two pounds. Which puts me 4 pounds into my last 10 pounds goal.

It's just one of those things. Perseverance is the key.

The scale will be better tomorrow. I hope.

Not Too Awful Dessert

This recipe represents my Midwestern roots. I bet it shows up a lot at church potlucks. It's not guilt-free; but compared to cheesecake, it's not so terrible. And it always reminds me of my mom and Easter/spring. I'm currently obsessed with it.

Pistachio Fluff
1 small box Sugar Free Pistachio pudding mix
1 tub lite or fat free Cool Whip
1 can pineapple (crushed or tidbits), reserve the liquid
Handful or two of chopped walnuts
1/2 c to 1 c mini-marshmallows
Dozen maraschino cherries, sliced in half

Mix it all together. Add as much of the pineapple juice as you need to make it a fluffy consistency (vs. too stiff). You can skip the marshmallows if you want. And think of the alternative combinations: cheesecake pudding mix with low-fat graham crackers and strawberries? Chocolate pudding dollops on reduced fat Nilla Wafers with strawberries or mandarin oranges? Vanilla pudding with blackberries and almonds?

Elevator Talk

As I pulled up to wait for the elevator on my way out of the office today, there was already someone there. She was a little taller than me, longer hair, and I didn't recognize her.

So, I didn't say anything to her. (I'm like that. Some people mistake it for bitchy. It's really just shy and mostly otherwise occupied inside my own head.)

I noticed she was wearing a spring black-and-white trench, black pants and heels.

She stares at me for a second and says, "You should look happier to be going home." And she smiles.

I'm caught off guard by the fact that she addressed me. (Because, again, it never occurs to me to just start chatting with people I don't know.) And I say, "I'm just thinking about the grocery list I left on my desk. I'm too lazy to go back and get it."

She smiles again.

Door opens, we get in, door closes, we go down, door opens again and we get out. We begin walking toward different doors.

She hollers over her shoulder, "Have fun at the grocery store. I always tell my husband since we spend so much money there, we should at least enjoy the trip."

I'm horribly confused by this exchange. I don't know this woman. I'm not really too friendly by nature, and she's being so nice.

And then I think back to what she was wearing. We had on nearly identical outfits. Black heels, black pants, black-and-white trenches. And for the first time in my life, I didn't outweigh her by 100 pounds. In fact, we probably weighed about the same.

I firmly believe that she would NOT have talked to the old me. In my mind, she would have made a judgement about me and would not have made small talk. I have no way to prove that. But I believe it.

Isn't that weird? Wondering what it says about me and my self-esteem. For all I know she's just a nice woman who talks to everyone.

But I wonder if she talked to me because now I was "like" her.

It's weird to me that so much of that old defensiveness still lives inside me. Do you ever feel like that?

Ah Dios Mio!

Note to self: When you're making oatmeal cookies for a friend, you simply can't eat a few (or more) tablespoons full of dough and then two baked cookies on top of a full breakfast and a few handfuls of crackers.

My gut is killing me.

There was a time when this amount of food wouldn't have phased me. My stomach wouldn't have blinked, so to speak.

But when you're used to eating well, throwing this stuff at you poor, unsuspecting gastro-intestinal tract is downright unkind.

The worst part? I'm meeting a friend for dinner and I was looking forward to having a sort of "off program" meal.

The best part? It will be a very long time before I am craving oatmeal cookies again. And that off program meal just became a glass of water. Ugh.