Elevator Talk

As I pulled up to wait for the elevator on my way out of the office today, there was already someone there. She was a little taller than me, longer hair, and I didn't recognize her.

So, I didn't say anything to her. (I'm like that. Some people mistake it for bitchy. It's really just shy and mostly otherwise occupied inside my own head.)

I noticed she was wearing a spring black-and-white trench, black pants and heels.

She stares at me for a second and says, "You should look happier to be going home." And she smiles.

I'm caught off guard by the fact that she addressed me. (Because, again, it never occurs to me to just start chatting with people I don't know.) And I say, "I'm just thinking about the grocery list I left on my desk. I'm too lazy to go back and get it."

She smiles again.

Door opens, we get in, door closes, we go down, door opens again and we get out. We begin walking toward different doors.

She hollers over her shoulder, "Have fun at the grocery store. I always tell my husband since we spend so much money there, we should at least enjoy the trip."

I'm horribly confused by this exchange. I don't know this woman. I'm not really too friendly by nature, and she's being so nice.

And then I think back to what she was wearing. We had on nearly identical outfits. Black heels, black pants, black-and-white trenches. And for the first time in my life, I didn't outweigh her by 100 pounds. In fact, we probably weighed about the same.

I firmly believe that she would NOT have talked to the old me. In my mind, she would have made a judgement about me and would not have made small talk. I have no way to prove that. But I believe it.

Isn't that weird? Wondering what it says about me and my self-esteem. For all I know she's just a nice woman who talks to everyone.

But I wonder if she talked to me because now I was "like" her.

It's weird to me that so much of that old defensiveness still lives inside me. Do you ever feel like that?