Feeding Frenzy

I ate like a banshee today.

I'm disgusted. Pissed off. And ready to cry.

Why do I sabotage myself this way?

After a charity luncheon yesterday that involved multiple courses, one of which was cake, and a much-too-late dinner that included homemade potato chips and bread, I assumed the scale would be up today.

But, lo and behold, it was down a full pound from yesterday.

So I "rewarded" myself with cereal for breakfast. And a few animal crackers. And some yogurt covered pretzels (190 calories for 6 mini pretzels ... really). And a handful of walnuts. And some regular pretzels. And cup or two of grapes. All that on top of a Subway salad for lunch and a Pizza Hut salad for dinner. Oh ...and did I mention two pieces of personal pan pizza and two breadsticks?

And two Starbursts just for kicks.

How gross is that? It's enough carbs for a week.

I should have been thinking that if I behaved well today, I might go below the number I've been stuck at for weeks tomorrow.

But once I start eating, I just can't stop. It's like I turn into this eating zombie that MUST ... HAVE ... MORE ... FOOD. I literally can't get off the train and just keep shoving it in. 

And it's why, when I was really buckled down working my program and losing weight in the beginning of this whole thing, I chose to sort of militantly eat X and only X.

I had to do it that way. Because if I "cheat" a little, I simply can't stop. All of a sudden it's a feeding frenzy.

And then I have to wonder if I've learned anything on this damn journey at all.

The good news is my body reacts better to it now. It will punish me for a couple of days as it did in Arizona, but it generally forgives the occasional blowout. As long as I keep up the exercise, I have some leeway.

But at some point, I'm going to get tired of the rather relentless routine of 4+ miles a day. At some point, I will simply not be able to devote the hour a day for whatever reason. And I'll have to rely on what I know to be good eating habits to keep me in this new body.

I worry that I won't be able to do it. I worry that the occasional blowout will change from once a week or once every 10 days to more frequently.

Maybe instead of surgery to get all that extra skin removed, I should opt for some sort of lobotomy to turn off the Face Stuffing Gene.