I'm 14 pounds heavier than when I ran my first half in 2012 and I have not trained as I did for that. My goal then was to do 11-minute miles and finish without walking. I actually ran sub-10 minute miles and finished in 2:08. When it was all over, I was on top of the world and so very proud of myself.
I'm probably 10 pounds heavier than I was last year, too, when I was coming off an injury and planned to alternate walking and running every mile. I actually ran a little more than that, but not much, and finished in 2:33 or something close. At the end, I was glad to have finished, given the circumstances, but felt a little unsatisfied. In my mind, I thought anyone could walk 13 miles and I should have done more to get ready.
Not sure right now how Saturday is going to turn out.
I know I haven't trained properly to run the whole thing. But I also know I ran 10 miles three weeks ago without any real trouble. I'm pissed at myself for not taking the training very seriously and for not just getting it done. I feel jiggly and loose.
I also know that I can't let my head get in the way. That my body is capable of a lot more than I think. That if I just put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward, I can get it done. There's a lot to be said for the environment of race day. The adrenaline that comes with it propels you forward.
The first time I was so scared that others would know I didn't belong there. I didn't want anyone to think I couldn't do it.
Now I know that I'm not racing the other people. I'm only competing with me. My fear this time is that I have already given myself the permission to "fail" by not running the whole thing.
If you think running is about physical exercise, you're wrong. It's about convincing yourself you can do it. Whether it's one mile or 100.
Mind over matter and it can get done. I promise you it can.
I'm going to spend the next 36 hours convincing myself of that fact.
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