I Want to Be an Olympic Speed Skater

Here are my reasons:

1. To me, it seems like running. I like running. I want to do longer distances, not the short track stuff.
2. Training conditions are consistent. No rain or snow or humidity to worry about ... or to use as an excuse to NOT train.
3. I like the bodystocking. Really. I do. Nothing to rub or chafe or flap in the breeze. It always fits, no matter if you've gained a pound or two. There's a hood ... so you don't have to do your hair.
4. Unlike running long distances outside, there's always a bathroom close-by. Or at least I would think there is. No peeing on the side of the track.
5. You burn an assload of calories!

And, perhaps most importantly ...
Big thighs are coveted. Desired. Necessary. And encouraged! 

Remember Wisconsin's Eric Heiden?