It Figures

I'm back to traveling ... for work this time. Got one day in at the office on Monday and then hit the road (or airspace?) for Florida for a tradeshow.

I'd ask you to feel sorry for me, but I know most of you are still digging out and that would just be rude. If it makes you feel any better, it's "cold" here, too. Haven't yet sat out by the pool.

I hobbled down to the fitness center yesterday morning and had to gasp for air.

My eyes were wowed with an amazing 12, count 'em, 12 amazing treadmills (TV screens that worked, enormous belts, fabulous bells and whistles ... and they ALL worked!), another dozen ellipticals, a few more traditional stair climbers, two different kinds of bikes and a full set of fancy weight equipment.

It was in a lovely, all-glass room, looking over the Florida vegetation and tennis courts and yet the temperature inside was still cool and lovely.

In other words, it was one of the best, if not THE best, hotel workout room I've ever had the pleasure to be in ...

... and there I was. Unable to effing use it.

OK, I can use the weights. And I tried like hell to use a treadmill and a bike.

But my knees still are not cooperating. That little boat accident might have been more than I thought it was going to be.

I am so tired of this. So discouraged. So mad. So defeated. So depressed. So pissed off. So confused. So afraid (that it's still somehow all in my head, like the sports med seems to be telling me). So OVER IT.

I'm trying hard to not let all those emotions sink me. I'm trying to make sure I don't give into them and let them derail good eating. But I can see the pounds sneaking back. I know they're there. It's so irritating and so scary at the same time.

Back to my regular doc on Monday, hoping she'll point me in a direction that will bring some resolution. It's been a good nine months. It's time.