Truths

• I skipped a regular workout today because: 1) I lifted yesterday and know I should not do that two days in a row; 2) have a right knee that's killing me ... waking me up at night again ... so cardio was also out. 
• I did complete my 100 push ups, though ... 40-40-20. I'm down from four sets of 25, which makes me happy. 
• I ate Jordan almonds in the car on the way to the grocery store. And again on the way home. Jim doesn't know that I hide them in the car. Hiding food is like sneaking booze, right? I may need a 12-step program. 
• I'm feeling a bit burnt out on the whole workout thing. I was trying to do one "big" event each week ... ride 50+ miles on my bike in one session, run/walk a minimum of a half marathon, etc. and I think I might have turned it into a chore. 
• I am using exercise as a "punishment" for eating too much the day before or an excuse to eat more the day of. That's the WRONG way to go about it. I should be exercising because it feels good and as a reward to myself. I have to disconnect the eating/exercise association. I should eat right all the time and exercise enough every day ... they aren't tied together. 
• Treating eating or exercise as a punishment or reward is one surefire way to sabotage yourself.
• I'm having a hard time writing for the blog because I'm not at my fighting weight and I'm struggling with how to get out of this funk. I don't feel very inspirational. In fact, I feel a bit like a disappointment (to you and to myself) and a bit like a fraud. I'm not walking the walk and it pisses me off. 
• Part of the reason that my knees are hurting so much is that I'm hauling an extra 20 pounds around. The good news is my body is capable of riding 60+ miles on my bike or walking/running 15 miles if I ask it to ... 20 pounds or not. But asking it to with the extra weight just puts more stress on my bone-on-bone problem. I hate living on Aleve. I have given up on Glucosomine. It doesn't seem to help. I am still taking Advocare's Omega-3 Fish Oil because that does seem to provide some relief. 
• Sometimes I wish I had a workout partner to go through this with. OK, maybe not a partner. Well, OK, I might be too selfish for that. I really want all the attention.  (Sometimes the truth hurts.) Maybe I wish I could afford a personal trainer. I like someone challenging me and I like proving I can meet or beat that challenge. 
• The current arrangement of RIPPED is too jumpy/bouncy for me. It kills my knees. And, when I do the "lower impact" modification to any move, I feel like a lame-ass loser. 
• I'm addicted to chocolate. This is not a surprise. 
• New Runner is still running. I love this.
• I secretly want to be on stage. Just once. 
• Chaffing is a bitch. I have two new workout tanks that have trim/piping under my arm. When I walk a long way, and sweat, my underarm jiggle rubs and literally gives me open wounds. 
• Weight lifting might become my new workout obsession. 
• I wish I could be more help to people who are struggling with this process. 
• I'm terrified of gaining more weight. I saw some photos of my old self at my in-laws house recently and I cannot believe I was that person for so long. I was so unhappy and that's what I see more than anything. I don't want to feel like that again.