Candy-a-Holic

I'm addicted to candy.

I love Tootsie Rolls and Smarties and Dove chocolates and Mike & Ikes and those white nougat Brach's things with the red/orange/yellow jelly bits in them.

I crave jelly orange slices and 100 Grand bars and cherry licorice Nibs.

I can eat watermelon Jolly Ranchers until my teeth are covered in a sugary film that requires a serious tooth brushing to remove.

And for about 6 months, I didn't eat a stitch of any of it ... except for one square of Dove nightly, as you already know.

But three months ago or so, I started nibbling, allowing myself a piece of something a week. Or two. Or no more than one a day. I've never been a "buy an actual big candy bar" kind of girl. But I nibble. I know where the candy dishes are in my office. And I stop in every once in while.

Today, I had a little paper cup of M&Ms, five Mike & Ikes (two green, one yellow and two of my favorite orange), a Tootsie Roll, a roll of Smarties and a truly awful football-shaped sucker whose actual flavor I still can't identify.

That's at least 300 empty calories. Ugh.

WHY??????

I don't eat it because I'm hungry. I eat it because it's there ... even if I have to go find it. And, sometimes I fear that I eat it because in the deepest recesses of my brain I'm thinking, "Hey, you lost a whole bunch of weight. You DESERVE a piece of candy."

But that thinking will send me back to size 20-ville if I'm not careful. And it's also the reason I complain about getting "stuck" at a certain weight for a long time. Stuck means I'm not eating right and not working out like I should. It's a simple mathematical equation, remember? You have to take in less than you burn off.

Somewhere there's a balance between total deprivation and mindless consumption.

I'm going to do better tomorrow. And I'm skipping the Dove tonight.