Friday, October 14, 2011

Curiosity Killed the Cut

The Internet is a wonderful thing.

From the comfort of my couch, I have a whole world of research information at my fingertips. Tonight's "online class" explored plastic surgery and what you can do to get rid of extra skin.

Via the DeanCare website, I landed on a Before and After photo gallery of tummy tucks, arm lifts, breast lifts and something called "full-body contouring."

Full-body contouring apparently involves cutting a ring around your midsection ... a full circle all the way around the trunk of the tree, so to speak. Then they cut a ribbon of skin off, pull everything tight from the top down and bottom up, and then just sew it all back together again. Liposuction may also be a part of the procedure.

You can do that?

The arm lifts were the least gross and seemed the most successful. What I mean by successful is that the new arms looked normal ... like there hadn't been surgery. The tummy tucks came in next. Fairly good results. The thigh lifts were moderately yukky, with the afters not looking that much better than the befores. The breast lifts were most disappointing and verging on bizarre. Not a one of them (two of them?) looked anything less than obviously tampered with. And the full-body contours were just a collage of horror.

The whole experience has me wondering, "How did Picasso know?"

I had all but decided that even though my arms and boobs aren't cute, I could live with them. But I was toying with the idea of going on a consultation to see if there is a solution for my stomach and my thighs.

Not any more. So grossed out at the moment, I think I'll table it for now.

If I'm going to look freaky anyway, might as well look naturally freaky and not Picasso freaky.

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