I Screwed Up

Here's the truth: I "cheated" on my 24-day challenge yesterday. We were gone all day and I didn't plan well. The family potluck gathering did not offer much in the way of on-plan options.

And I caved.

My cheat foods? Nothing awful. But I let myself down. And that's the part that bothers me more than the 4 meatballs, the forkful of lasagna, the two spoons of angelfood/butterfinger/Cool Whip dessert and the 4 cups or so of snack-aisle-bagged popcorn.

In hindsight, not worth it.

It hit me as I snuck in that last bite of dessert. It was in my mouth and all of a sudden I thought, "Sure, this tastes good. But I made a commitment to myself and I just wrecked it with two stupid bites of something that I could have later."

Normally, that's when the guilt starts. That's when the self-beating begins. That's when you're programmed to start telling yourself what a spineless, pathetic, weak, incompetent failure you are.

Which leads to you internalizing all that self-pummeling. Believing it, if only subconsciously, and eventually giving up on doing what you know is right.

And that's when we throw up our hands, declare we have no willpower, undo all the good we had done up to this point, to start the cycle all over again.

(You see, I don't think there is such a thing as willpower. And I think believing that there is such a thing just sets you up for failure because it gives you an excuse. And if there's no willpower, what is there? There are choices we make. Sometimes we make them minute-by-minute. But if you make the right ones, often enough, good things follow. See it here: It's a Choice.)

I'd love to tell you that after those bites of dessert, I stood up stoically, declared I was done eating and drank a bottle of water, ran 5 miles and went to bed, like boss.

The truth is I DID stop and think about what I was doing. I literally went through the "Am I going to beat myself up about this and sabotage the whole deal or not?" conversation in my head. I called a spade a spade and told myself that I couldn't undo what was done.

Then I forgave myself for the detour and ate some more popcorn. It just didn't taste as good as it had earlier. So I stopped.

And I recommitted to doing better today.

It's 9:34 a.m. and all is well.

If you're the poetic sort, the first of these messages will appeal to you. The second says the same thing and might be easier to commit to memory.