Long about mile 5, as she was heading down a sleepy side road, she noticed a car driving very slowly. The car was far in the distance, and moving so slow it was hard to tell if it was actually coming toward her, stopped or moving away from her.
The car performed a Y turn in the middle of the road near a gated entrance to a big fancy house/game farm. It was then that the girl noticed it was a Sheriff's squad car. The car completed the turn and pulled up alongside of the iron gates that span the 1/2 mile of road in front of said fancy house/game farm.
Now, the girl was still quite far away. Yes, she was running ... but not very fast. And her eyesight is not what it used to be. She was perplexed as to why this car was hanging out in front of the fancy house and wondered if someone behind the iron gates was having issues. She assumed the big fancy house had an abundance of security, so the very presence of the squad car seemed odd.
The car stopped. And the driver side door opened. And from the front seat a creature appeared. To the girl, who was still a quarter of a mile away, the creature appeared to be a long-legged, uniformed person with a very short, round torso. In fact, the creature appeared to have a humpback. With a little, tiny head sitting directly on top of the round torso.
"Hmmmm," the girl thought. "This looks quite strange. Why is a squad car in front of the gate? Why is the driver of the squad car getting out of the car, opening the trunk and back door of the car and moving something between the two? Why would a deputy have a humpback?"
Since the girl is prone to logical and rational assumptions, she decided that the squad car had probably been stolen by a gun-toting and drug-using humpback Hobbit who was planning to blow up the iron gate of the fancy house. She also surmised that the Hobbit did not plan for a jogger to be on this sleepy road at this time of day to foil his/her plan.
So the girl did what any logical, rational person would do. She took her pepper spray out of the velcro holster, took off the safety and prepared to attack the Hobbit should he/she strike first.
Of course, with each step, the girl got closer to the car. And it wasn't long before the girl could see that the deputy was really just a female officer with a very large bullet-proof vest on, making her torso appear much rounder than it really was.
The deputy smiled as the girl ran by and said, "Didn't I see you way over there just a little while ago?" waving her hand toward the beginning of the girl's route.
Desperately, the girl tries to cover up the pepper spray canister in her far hand, hoping the polite and friendly deputy didn't see it. "Yup ... I'm about half way done!"
"Have a great run," smiling deputy says.
The girl, now feeling really silly, didn't want to slow down to re-holster the pepper spray. So she shoved it in between her bosoms and keeps running.
It's not long before the girl felt an odd burning sensation in the bosom area. The canister had managed to wedge sideways (alas, the girl's bosoms aren't big enough to hold contraband firmly in place, it seems) and the nozzle end was pressing up against her flesh.
Sweat + bouncing + nozzle that has been previously sprayed on loose neighborhood dogs = hot boobs.
The moral of the story? Never carry pepper spray in your bra after stumbling upon a hobbit Sheriff's deputy on a lonely country road.
Or something like that.
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