Oh, Sugar.

Sugar wasn't the word I really wanted to use there. The one I wanted starts with an SH sound, but is shorter, ruder and much more forceful. You get the idea.

I wasn't going to post today. It's Christmas. You have other things to do and so do I. But I thought this might be helpful.

I didn't work out this morning. Still feeling like crap, and it's Christmas. I also ate like a raving lunatic yesterday: ham, mashed potatoes and gravy, corn, raw shrimp, buckets of Chex mix, an Xmas cookie, three glasses of wine, four or five cans of diet soda, cheese, those delicious ham/cream cheese/pickle roll-ups ... and that was AFTER church. Again, you get the idea.

So out of curiosity and fear, I stepped on the scale this morning after telling myself I wouldn't.

I "gained" four pounds.

Since yesterday morning.

Now, I know I ate a lot. But I didn't consume four pounds of food in total, let alone create four pounds of flesh from that food since yesterday.

I know the number is a reflection of the salty foods helping me hold onto some water. I know the number is surely linked to the sheer number of carbs I consumed (they seem to affect me worse than eating lots of other food groups). I know the number is absolutely a reflection of eating too much or out of the ordinary the day before and yesterday.

No matter what I attribute it to, the number was still shocking, disheartening and a little scary.

That little bit of fear creeps up in my chest and my head starts racing ... is this it? Is it all over? Have I wrecked it all and in two weeks I'll be back in those size 20 jeans?

So I start talking to myself. And to Jim. This is OK. I didn't gain four pounds in a day any more than I can lose four pounds in a day. It's a marathon, not a race. I'm going to go up and down a little. It's Christmas and my jeans still fit. I can do better today and tomorrow and will probably have to button down a little.

I CAN button down. And will. This will be OK because I'm tough and determined and I haven't come all this way to give up now. I've worked out every day for the past month so that I can take today off.

And take today off I will. Because today is Mexican food at Karla's and I'm going to enjoy it.

In moderation, of course.