Trying to Figure It Out

As I sit here and imagine what's going to happen with this potential surgery thing, I am also trying to plot my strategy for how I'm going to eat and how I'm going to exercise during this process. 

I'm worried. 

I have put on 12 pounds already. My clothes are tight and uncomfortable. I have developed a constant snacking habit. And I'm unwilling to change it. 

I'd say "unable" but we all know that would be a cop out. I'm able. I'm just not doing it.

I'm trying to find that place in my head that says, "Enough is enough. Start already."  

And then I remember ... there is no magic lightening bolt that comes down and aligns the stars so that all conditions are right and all system flip to go. 

There is no magic. No perfect time.

In fact, there's nothing but a decision. To be made. By me. 

Only me. 

If I tell myself it's anything more complicated than that, I'm lying. 

It's not complicated at all. It is difficult. But it is not complicated.