I saw a photo of me, my sister and a bunch of beautiful cousins from 100 years or so ago today.
Well, not really 100 years ... but it sure seems like it. Maybe 18-22 years ago, in reality. In the snapshot, a bunch of us are sitting on the steps in front of my cousin Karen's house. I'm an adult. I have crazy 80's hair. (And so did my sister.) I was wearing this cool black, flowered, flowy, hippy-ish vest that I loved, but could never figure how to pair it up with the right thing.
And I was big.
Bigger than I remember being at that age.
What a kick in the head.
Not sure I know that girl anymore. She looks really unfamiliar to me. And quite honestly, I don't want to look at her.
She makes me uncomfortable. I know how much she hated to have her photo taken. I can feel the constant and uneasy disconnect between the girl who was on the inside looking out and the girl on the outside that shows up on the film.
Part of me is embarrassed by her. Part of me knows she had to exist for me to be me. And part of me is just glad she's gone.
1 comment:
Heard this from Quigley J and hope she doesn't mind my sharing: "I can so relate to exactly how you feel about your old pictures! I feel the same way about my High School Senior picture and many others! It's like you lose yourself and then many years later you find yourself again! I also don't like looking at those old pictures because I was very unhappy about my weight and kind of lost hope and then something changed over the years. It is still a big yo-yo. After I had the boys I couldn't shake the weight. It's about being selfish and putting yourself first in your life and women aren't raised that way.
I couldn't have said it better myself!
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